Encouragement – Who Needs It?

Everyone needs encouragement -- from the claims processor to the engineer to the student to the executive.

It is the kind and simple gesture that leave a lasting positive impression and a legacy.

© 2013. All rights reserved worldwide.

What’s Holding Your Hostage?

No one can hold you hostage but your own thoughts. No one or situation can hold you hostage without your permission.

Did you know we are born with only two fears? The two fears are: fear of falling and fear of loud noises. The rest are man-made.

Who or what is holding you hostage?

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Greed and People Smarts

“Money does not make me. I make it.” Marcus, Self-described Terminix Bug Man

From my observations as a coach and consultant on three continents, it seems impossible to have authentic people smarts and a heart of service when driven by greed.

We all know greedy people. What would you say is their people smarts quotient on a scale of one to seven, with seven being high? How many would you say touched your heart in a good way?

What I know for sure, I would do anything in my power to help Marcus.

Would others do that for you?

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More on Listening

“One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears.” Dean Rusk

People feeling significant and listening are inseparable. Listening and acting on the needs of others propels your career aspirations.

Listening is difficult. For one, the mind thinks twice as fast as a person speaks! Two, distractions are the norm in a 24/7 world filled with gadgets.

For effective listening:

• Be present. My trick is to silently repeat to myself what the speaker is saying as they say it.

• Allow others to complete their thought before speaking. Unfortunately, I have on more than one occasion solved the wrong issue by interrupting and attempting to solve the problem too quickly.

• Be aware of their tone and what is not being said by their body language.

• Asking questions and seeking clarification is critical, too.

What two actions can you take to become a better listener and win people’s hearts and minds? I know that the first two actions I took on the path of becoming a more effective listener were: one, stop interrupting and two, listening more than I speaking.

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Everybody Wants to Feel Significant

Just like everyone wants to feel important (earlier blog); we all want to feel significant, special. People genius begins and ends with this reality.

To help fulfill the underlying needs of feeling significant consider:

• Showing respect by exhibiting common courtesy which includes acknowledging their presence.

• Taking the initiative to get their input and provide constructive and positive feedback.

• Giving thanks and appreciation for their unique contribution. Acknowledge they matter.

In your presence, do people feel like super stars or lowly mullets?

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Hot Buttons and Triggers

Exhibiting people smarts 24/7 can be a challenge. There will be people and situations that trigger our hot buttons.

In these situations, breathe. Count to 10 or a hundred ten. The moment you lose control, is the moment your credibility index plummets. The following actions can bring clarity and composure.

• Assume good intent until proven otherwise.

• Seek clarification non-defensively.

• Refuse to take everything personally.

• Recognize everybody is doing the best they know how in that moment or they would handle it differently – including you being triggered.

• Identify what specifically triggered your intense reaction.

When I am triggered today, I smile internally and remember: it is all just tweaking.

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Energizer Bunny or Human Drano?

I can’t seem to stop writing about people smarts, probably because it is my passion. I teach what I most have to learn. The quality of our life depends on how people feel in your presence. Motivated and inspired or discouraged and drained?

People feel more motivated and engaged when:

• We know their name.

• We acknowledge their presence such as a nod and a genuine smile.

• We make mental notes of interests and hobbies for the next time we connect to show we actually listened and cared.

Are you the energizer bunny or the human drano?

Being the energizing bunny has given me a better quality of life and more joy.

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Engaging the Mind and the Heart Basics

People smarts would be easy if it weren’t for the people. People smarts is not complicated. By engaging your mind and heart, you engage others’ minds and hearts.

Actions that reap rewards include:

• Be nice to everyone, it is a small world.

• Do what is honest and right consistently, even when no one is looking. Truth is someone is always looking.

• Give credit and sincere praise.

• Be a solution finder. Blame never earned respect or brownie points.

• Follow-through on your commitments. If by chance you cannot make your commitment, give an early heads-up, an apology and tell them what you can do.

Be engaging!

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Be Greater with Feedback

I learn, grow and am stronger with feedback.

I finally came to the AHA that receiving all types of feedback are gifts, regardless of how it might feel at the moment. Sure, I am the first to admit it is heart-warming to receive encouragement and praise for a job well done. And constructive feedback is great, too, because it helps me change my behavior. And while criticism sucks, it is a powerful valuable source of information.

Information is power.

These are my secrets for keeping my cool when being criticized.

• Breathe. Count to 10 then breathe some more.

• Listen without making excuses or becoming defensive.

• Summarize what I’ve heard.

• Share my thoughts and feelings about the feedback. Discuss as appropriate.

• Say “thanks.”

There is usually at least a grain of truth amidst the criticism. I make the appropriate changes.

Because others sense they can give me feedback without invoking a strong negative reaction, I am greater.

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